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Keep Your Sense of Humor
This may sound like a strange instruction. You may be thinking, “What does keeping my sense of humor have to do with being picked on?”
Kids become victims of constant teasing when they lose their sense of humor about themselves.
Do you like to laugh? Do you like jokes, humor and comedy? Of course you do. You may watch hours of comedy on television every week. You probably like to hear jokes and tell jokes. I bet you like to read funny books.
You may also have heard the expression, “Laughter is the best medicine.” And it’s true. Laughter helps us get better when we’re sick. It helps people survive the harshest ordeals in life. Without laughter, life would be way too serious and we would all be miserable.
Consider what we laugh about. Do we laugh when people look smart? Do we laugh when they are brave or wise? Do we laugh when they are generous or strong? Do we laugh when good things happen to them?
No! We laugh when they look stupid or clumsy or miserable. We laugh when bad things happen to them. You may not have been aware of this till now, but start paying attention to the jokes and comedy routines that make you laugh. Try to think of a joke that doesn’t put anyone down (riddles don’t count; that’s a different kind of humor). I don’t think you’ll be able to do it. You will quickly realize that when you laugh, someone is being made fun of.
That’s what a sense of humor is all about. It is about enjoying people’s weaknesses. And it’s not a bad thing — it’s a good thing! That’s why laughing feels so good and helps us heal.
There are two sides to a sense of humor. One side is being able to laugh at other people. This is the easy side. Whenever we laugh at jokes, at comedy shows, or at people acting stupid or clumsy, we are exercising the ability to laugh at others. Few of us have any difficulty with this.
The other side of humor is the difficult side. What is the other side? Let me ask you, if we’re going to laugh at other people when they are looking stupid or clumsy or miserable, who are other people going to laugh at? The answer, of course, is us. There is no such thing as a life in which only other people look bad. Sometimes we look bad, too, and others are going to want to laugh at us. And that’s why the other side of humor is so important: we have to be able to laugh at ourselves.
Think about it: What is an emotionally healthy person? Is it someone who takes himself so seriously that he gets mad whenever someone makes fun of him? No. It’s someone who knows he’s not perfect, can take a joke about himself and make a joke about himself.
No one is perfect. We all have faults and imperfections that can be laughed at. The truth is that we see each others’ imperfections better than we see our own. If I have a big nose, you don’t see it? If I’m fat, you don’t notice? Of course you do. You see these things better than I do. Do I really need you to make believe you don’t see them?
We all have the choice to get mad or to laugh when people make fun of our imperfections. If we get mad, it is because we believe others should treat us like we are perfect. This belief is a trap — it is the opposite of a sense of humor. When we believe we have a right to be treated like we’re perfect, all someone has to do is suggest that we are not perfect, and then we go nuts. And when we go nuts, we really look like fools. However, if we realize that it’s okay to have imperfections and to laugh about them, then we don’t turn into losers. When we can laugh at ourselves and let others laugh at us, people like us and respect us more. And we can like and respect ourselves more, too, when we get rid of the idea that we have to be perfect.
Pay attention to comedies on TV. You will see that the characters are always making fun of each other, and they hardly ever get mad about it. They are showing us the right way to handle putdowns. Life becomes a lot more enjoyable when we can laugh at each other and at ourselves. Chances are, if you have a good friend, you make fun of each other sometimes and neither one of you gets upset about it.
Are you thinking that it’s hard to have a sense of humor about yourself? Truth is, your ability to laugh at yourself is right inside of you. Laughter and humor are basic human traits. People all over the world laugh and tell jokes, and they’ve been doing it forever. It’s programmed into our genes. That’s why kids start laughing at funny sounds and faces when they are babies. Did your parents or teachers have to teach you what’s funny and when to laugh? No! You knew it all by yourself because Mother Nature made us that way.
Here’s a great game that can put you in touch with your natu sense of humor. Get together with your friends, or with your brothers and sisters, and take turns insulting each other. The rule is that no one is allowed to get angry no matter what the insult is. Anyone getting angry earns a point, and the kid with the most points loses the game. If adults are nearby, make sure to let them know it’s a game and that no one is being hurt. You will discover this is great fun. You will be making real honest-to-goodness humor, and you will all laugh your heads off! You will discover you can actually enjoy being made fun of.
You may then decide to make humor a bigger part of your life. Since humor has the potential to offend people, here are a few simple rules to help you avoid trouble:
1. It is always safest to make fun of yourself. No one can claim you hurt their feelings if you made fun of yourself.
2. Make fun of people only when you know they can take it as a joke. If they can’t handle it, it’s better to keep your comments to yourself. (And maybe you should get them a copy of this book).
3. Never make fun of people when you are angry with them. Then it becomes a hostile attack, and they will feel offended and get mad back at you.
Don’t worry that people will lose respect for you if you make fun of yourself. Just the opposite is true. They will love you for making them laugh and will respect you for having the courage to make fun of yourself. And when they see you are able to laugh at yourself, it will be easier for them to laugh at themselves, too. Before you know it, you’ll be able to laugh at each other.
