What People are Saying
Letters from Satisfied Website Users
Fantastic web site. I am the chair of an anti-bias organization in New York and will highly recommend it to our members! An excellent resource for victims. Great suggestions and very comprehensible. BRAVO!!
***
Thank you Izzy. I am a marriage and family therapist and I had a new case with a 12 year old boy who had been suspended 13 times and was going to be expelled the next time, when the announcement of your workshop came in the mail. I got the CD and listened right away. I would not have know how to handle this case if I had not heard it. Well, it's been 3 months and so far so good. You saved me, and, more importantly, him, even though I do think you are a little funny looking!
A.O., Marriage and Family Therapist
***
Dear Izzy, thank you for such an incredible inforation resource as your website is. I am the mom of a wonderful 15 year old girl who lives with the pain and suffering of being teased on a continual basis. We have gone so far as to change schools, but to no avail. By reading what you offer in terms of attitute and how to deal with bullying, we now realize that changing schools isn't going to help - but changing the attitude will! Thanks for your help and suggestions - they appear to be a light at the end of a very long tunnel. We'll keep you posted.
Tara Stevens, Vancouver - Canada
***
Dear Israel:
This article on the Columbine massacre is the best one I have ever had the pleasure of reading in my life. From the start, I knew that it was teasing (not guns, lack of parental supervision, and a host of other social maladies) that causes these school shootings. You would have to be a mindless idiot not to see that. I am writing a paper for my class at William & Mary on the bullying connection to school shootings and I want to thank you for your sensible and invaluable insight into this topic.
Elizabeth Collins
***
Hello This is a wonderful site. I am an Elementary Education major and am a little apprehensive about classroom and behavior management. Your site is terrific! You have such wonderful suggestions that can truly be applied to the classroom. Thank You! Keep it up. We need more sites like this.
Christina Brockman
***
THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR INFORMATION TO HELP MY CHILDREN. THANK YOU
MARY JOHNSON
***
I am a teacher working with a group of fifth grade students on a writing project dealing with bullying, victims, fighting, etc at our school. We have been all over the web in the last few weeks and never came upon your site until today. It is an exceptional site. I am going to recommend it to our school social worker and the students and I will recommend it to students in our newletter on bullying.
I wish we had found the site sooner.
s.m.
***
As a mother of 6 (now grown) children - I wish I'd had this information years ago, for my family. I think it will help many school age children to develop healthier attitudes. I will pass this along to my grandchildren Thank you.
***
I feel sorry for bullying victims. You should make this sight more noticed so people can get help!
***
I'm very impressed with your 10 steps to stop being a teasing victim, I'm looking forward to trying them out at work on Monday. As you've no doubt realized, I am an adult, however, some of the people I work with enjoy teasing. Your words make good sense when you think about them, the natural reaction to teasing is to do the opposite to what you recommend, so it's very helpful to have the strategy spelt out. Keep up the good work.
Many thanks. (The Web really does have some important benefits).
S.C., United Kingdom
***
I am A new Counselor and I have encountered many students who are being bullied. This web site is fabulous and I can't wait to use it tomorrow in my school. Thank you for providing this great resource for all to use.
April Porter Crews
***
I must tell you that this is the absolute best thing I have read all day!! I was cruising though all the revenge websites looking for something to do to a boyfriend and I saw your lesson six: getting revenge. I thought to myself this ought to be good. I was prepared for some instructions on how to get even and have revenge work for me and that's exactly what I got. This wasn't what I was looking for but it was exactly what I needed. Even though the subject was about teasing was so universal it fit right into my specific situation. Now instead of looking for revenge tactics I'm repeating the phrase "I didn't realize it all these years...". This was so great and helpful!!!
N.W.
***
I am a teacher working with a group of fifth grade students on a writing project dealing with bullying, victims, fighting, etc at our school. We have been all over the web in the last few weeks and never came upon your site until today. It is an exceptional site. I am going to recommend it to our school social worker and the students and I will recommend it to students in our newsletter on bullying.
I wish we had found the site sooner.
***
Hey... I am 13 years old and in 7th grade. I am teased and called names every single day. I am called hoe, slut, dog, bitch, stuffer, man, etc... every single day. I would cry myself to sleep every night. I almost transferred schools because of it. One day I was just sick and tired. I remembered my teacher gave us this website a while back and I tried it to see if it worked so yea I hope it does!!! I think this website is a very good idea. I think it will help a lot of kids and adults. I hope it helps me, too. I think there should be facts like what the common age for being teased is, or what percent of 13,14,15 yr olds get teased. I think it would be interesting too have facts like that!!!!
Shelly
***
Dear Izzy:
I also work for the NYC Board of Ed in Staten Island. But back to how much I love your writing--I love it so much that I gave a printout of your firstfew instructions on how to stop teasing to Rosie O'Donnell (I'll go into how later) and I was thinking that you could follow it up with a quiery for the new magazine, Rosie. I think she would be interested in what you are doing because she's adopted 3 children and has one foster child.
I wish you success with my whole heart.
PS
***
Hi thank you for your material. Now I can more effectively deal with the teasing and baiting going on in my classroom. I agree with you about most if not all of what you said. I think helping arm the victims is more important than dealing with bullies. the victims need to learn how to live their lives in peace. I'll let you know how it goes.
R.F.
***
Great web page!!!!!!!!!! it was a very good idea!!!!!!! S.A.S.
***
Hi I think this is a good web site. Mabey You should avertise this to other schools so it could help people with problems.
***
Mr. Kalman,
I've been enjoying the material on your website (teasingvictims.com) and was wondering if you have a downloadable text version available in a word processing format such as Microsoft Word. I'd like to to print the material and put it into a binder of resuorces that I'm collecting on bullying behavior. I'm a graduate student of Ashland Theological Seminary's Pastoral Counseling program and interning at Perspectives of Troy, a private clinic in Troy, Michigan.
Thank you for your consideration and for making available such a valuable resource.
Regards,
LW.
***
Hi, I'm a special education teacher who deals primarily with behaivor problem 8th graders. The bullying and name calling at my new school is out of control. I've watched the new "bully-proofing" rage and have seen nothing but escalations in bullying. I'm delighted to skim over your material and see "truth" in your approach. The more interventions we implement the worse the problems get: ie- drug education/sex education/etc.- it's worse now than before we started all these programs. I can't wait to share your material with my peers and administrators, and to try it with my students. I've been holding a class meeting once a week; I think I'll go through your child curriculum with them.
Thanks and I'll let you know how things work out in a few weeks.
Laura Brent
Gardnerville, Nevada
***
Dear Izzy:
Thank you so much for making your material available. I have copied the lesson plans and will use them in my Student Assistance Program groups. Many of my students are either bullies or victims. I have a purchased curriculum available to me but something is missing , it doesn't quite cover the entire subject. I hope your material can fill that void. I will let you know how it goes.
Thank you,
JH
***
Thank you for providing this valuable resource on the net. I am a school counselor and have been searching for something to use at my site with students who are victims to the cruelty of adolescence. You are a wish come true.
T.O.
***
Excellent advice, I wish I had it years ago! (seriously)
The website is really an interesting look at teasing and violence. As a ninth grade English teacher I would love to employ some of the techniques and to share the ideas with my students. Is your information available in a book? (It's a lot of information to print up at home.) Please let me know if it's available, and if so, how I can get a copy.
Thanks,
R.T.
***
The material that you present is excellent. You cut to the core of the ptoblem. Thank you So much!
I would like to share this with my grown daughter and her children. R.F.
Thank you.
***
Dear Izzy, Gob bless you. I like what I see and I will be in touch. Teaching for almost 20 years. I see what you see. Thanks.......
B.C., Detroit MI
***
You have some wonderful advice for teasing victims here. I'm an adult who was a teasing victim as a child, and I wish that someone had given me this advice when I was young. I was always told "just ignore it and they'll stop", but you've put a lot more rationale and practicality around that simple idea. Good for you!
***
I cant tell you how much i appreciate your site. i found it thru an American Teacher magazine my husband gets..and will definitely be leading more people to it. I have printed the lessons out, and will be going over them with my son. i'll let you know what progress he makes :)
JG
***
Recently, I realized that I was teaching my daughter the wrong lessons, at least when it came to teasing and bullying. You see, for far too long I had been encouraging her to tell the "bully" or her teacher if certain words had upset her. But rather than solving the problem, I discovered that more "bullies" than ever seemed to be appearing. Was it possible that my "tell them how you feel" attitude was fueling the problem rather than solving it? And were my stong emotions teaching her that words were profoundly powerful? Fortunately, the day after I realized that perhaps I was teaching her the wrong lessons, I read an article in my Teacher Union's magazine. It was about a revolutionary new approach to bullying as well as information concerning a website I could visit. Well, you can imagine my delight when I read your wise words. After all, I am a notorious overreactor and am constantly being "playfully" teased by others even as an adult. So, it was no wonder that my daughter and son were learning my overreactions and unnecessary sensitivities. And when I read those magic words..."Is it true?"...I nearly collapsed with laughter. Why hadn't I realized it sooner. Well, let it suffice to say that I am eternally grateful to you for these needed insights. After all, let them tease. Words can never break your bones. Why did I allow all those self-help books to suggest otherwise?
Fondly,
EN
***
I like what you have to say about teasing on your web pages. More radical than I expected when I first glanced at it. I wish I could have read this 20 years ago when I really needed it!
- It would be interesting to see a discussion of if and when a pattern of bullying by a child should be of particular concern to a parent or teacher. Some kids seem to do this a lot more than others, and I would worry that they'd grow up to be bully adults: abusive husbands, workers who sabotage co-workers, etc. Does chronic bullying ever turn into an obnoxious adult behavior? Even criminal behavior?
Thanks,
CB
***
Dear Izzy - What a wonderful gift you have given. I am a teacher and a parent and know soooo many young people that I want to share your lessons with. Your efforts will be a great gift to many. thank you.
BM
***
Hello, I teach fifth grade, and have found your site very interesting. I have a class this year where bullying is a huge problem among the boys. I have tried everything I know to stop it, but after reading your manual, realized I am not solving the problem this way. I very much agree with your comments about letting the kids work out things for themselves, and not rewarding them by stepping in and punishing the bully. However, my question is, how can I practice this technique when I know parents will be the ones calling in to complain that I am not "taking care of" of the teasing? I really do believe that your methods would put an end to it, but with parents, colleagues and other aides/staff expecting me to punish the bullies for the smallest things, how can I effectively implement this? Thanks for putting out some common sense information. I read about your website in The American Teacher publication.
***
I am an AFT teacher in Philly and saw your site featured in this months magazine. Just stopping by to say I think it is great! It coincides with out doing the Start Something challenge in honor of Martin Luther King. I will be passing your site onto all my teacher friends!
Maryann
***
at school we've set up a group where we can talk about problems, i brought in the instructions for tsing victims and they thought it was excellent....im thanking you from not just me, but with the 43 people in our group.
love,
jesica
***
having been a victim of undeserved teasing and sexual abuse by peers for multiple years i see your site as potentially the most harmful thing that can happen to victims. it is more devastating than the help you describe as ineffective although you are correct in that assessment at least
***
Thank you for creating this web site. My son has found it very helpful and although most of what you have on this site his father and I have told him, your delivery (combined with the fact that it is not coming from his parents) makes it much easier for him to understand and accept.
We also have been very touched by the newest waive of violence to hit our schools and have dedicated a great deal of time and energy to trying to improve the environment at our middle school. We are coming close to giving up in favor of homeschooling because the adults are not much better than the kids. We are going to refer our school police liason to this site and hope to use it to further educate the adults who are working with our kids.
Thank you. You are obvoiusly a credit to your profession and care a great deal about what you do.
Sincerely,
Marcella Howk Tollhouse,
California (permission given to use name)
***
hi! I live in Scotland and while researching for a school project I came across your web page. I would like to thankyou for proving to society that goths are not to blame for the problems that happened in the American high schools.We are not all bad! thank you
jen
***
I just want to let you know that I am very glad that you have put up this website that give people (not just children!) a way to handle confrontations. All the schools teach very impressive subjects which is all very well and good but one thing that they should incorporate into the curriculum is this kind of conflict resolution (with role play!). I dare say that a lot of the conflicts in this world start out with people teasing and misunderstanding one another.If people were educated on this, I think it would make a difference. Sincerely, PA
***
I liked your instruction manual on teasingvictims.com. I was picked on quite a bit as a child, for the usual reasons (small weak smart freak). I eventually developed the "don't give a shit" attitude on my own, but it might have made my life a little easier if I'd had the chance to read your site when I was about ten years old.
You are doing good work, and I hope you get a big fat grant from a University or something.
<smirk>
joshua
***
Thank you so much for your efforts to help children! This problem touches the lives of so many of us.
Sincerely,
M.R.
***
Hello, I just printed out all of the "sessions" of how to control how others tease me. I read it a couple of minutes ago and I am 99% sure it will work. I made it into a book and i'm going to show it to my friends tomorrow that also get teased a lot. Anyways, I can't thank you enough for making that page for all of the other people out there........ Sincerely,
Jessica, and other thoughtful friends.
***
Hello Izzy, Thanks for all of the information, my child currently attends a private high school where many kids suffer as a result of ignorant bullies, There must be a way to present the subject of teasing in a school wide assembly, so that the teasers are themselves ridiculed into stopping this hurtful game they play. Any suggestions.
Thanks,
SAZ
***
Thank you for taking the time to put together a web site to help children. I am the parent of an adolescent boy who is being tormented at school by a group of his former friends. It hurts even more when the teasing comes from someone you considered loyal. How do you ignore eight boys who are in your face, calling you a loser? How can you not react? Don't adolescent boys consider it a sign of weakness if you don't say anything? He's considered not masculine, a wus, because he doesn't say anything. Now he has other factions of boys teasing him because he's not responding to the insults. I'm sure that they detect fear though. How can you not feel fearful if you have a whole bunch of kids making fun of you, and you're all alone
I have told my son much of this before. I hope with the format (a site just for them) and the fact someone else is saying this, it will make a difference.
***
Dear Mr. Kalman:
I used your ideas to teach 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th graders about bullying last year. It was amazing the ah ha experiences that occurred. I continue to teach it on an individual and small group basis. I have been in education for 14 years and I have never found such an intelligent way to help bullies. I am currently a school counselor and I really appreciate your work. Do you have any published books I am want to purchase?
Sincerely,
S.S.
