Happy Holidays to you and your family.
I welcome those of you who have recently joined the mailing list and hope you will find my not-so- conventional ideas about teasing, bullying and aggression refreshing.
THE PROMOTION OF THE VICTIM MENTALITY 
The Western World is moving in a dangerous direction - with good intentions, of course. In the interest of helping people, we are legislating policies that are anti- therapeutic and reduce individual responsibility for one's actions. To prevent anyone from the misery of being a victim, we are unwittingly teaching attitudes that actually encourage people to think and act like victims. The result is more victims, not less.
In this newsletter, I present my ideas about how and why this is happening.
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Ths Sin of "Blaming the Victim" |
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| "Izzy, you are blaming the victim." This is probably the most frequent criticism I get. Several places throughout the website, I state unequivocally that I don't blame victims of teasing and bullying for what is happening to them because they can't possibly see how they are causing their problems. Nevertheless, some of my readers and seminar participants become enraged by my views and attack me for "blaming the victim."
How do I help victims? By holding them responsible for their problem. I reveal to them the "optical illusion" that is causing them to attract their tormentors. But I don't stop there. I give them the solution to their problem. I show them how to defeat their bullies without anyone else's help and without getting anyone in trouble. However, the taboo against "blaming the victim" is so strong that some people cannot tolerate the idea that the victim is in anyway responsible for what happens to him, even unintentionally.
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When It's Okay to Blame the Victim |
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| In our topsy-turvy social climate, there actually is one instance when you can get away with blaming the victim. How do you do this? By calling your victim a "bully."
The same mentality that forbids "blaming the victim" is actually responsible for one of the most widespread instances of "victim-blaming" in modern history.
Many recent articles about school violence state that bullies are responsible for most of the violence in schools, like the Columbine massacre and the other school shootings. Because nearly all of the kids who perpetrated these massacres were victims of bullying, bullies are to blame.
But are "bullies" shooting up their schools? Are bullies going on violent rampages at their workplaces? No! Bullies may not be saints, but the heinous acts of violence are all committed by people acting as victims!
A victim believes he is totally innocent and blames his "bullies" for his misery and unfair lot in life. The "innocent" victim believes that his evil bullies deserve to die an agonizing death.
Of course, most victims don't carry out their revenge fantasies. They are greater dangers to themselves than to anyone else. But the horrible acts of violence that make the news are all actions of victims trying to pay back their bullies. Yet society is blaming bullies for these actions and not victims!
Which, by the way, means you have to be very careful how you treat people. If you develop in image of a bully, someone can kill you and society will declare it was your fault!
Now, we no longer blame rape victims for the acts of rapists. Why are we blaming bullies for the violence that victims commit against them?
I think it may have to do with confusion caused by the word "victim." This word implies innocence. Once a kid is known as a "victim" of teasing and bullying, he is deemed innocent regardless of what he does, especially since it is now taboo to "blame the victim." Likewise, once a kid is labeled a bully, he continues to be considered guilty even when he is the victim of the victim.
The scary thing is that society is now unwittingly encouraging these revenge fantasies. How? By teaching that we must have no tolerance for bullies - in other words, that bullies have no right to exist! Many "victims" will be more than happy to help us end the existence of bullies. Literally.
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In the next issue... |
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| I will be continuing my discussion of the development of the victim mentality in the next newsletter. Stay tuned for "The Origin of the Taboo Against Blaming the Victim," "The Confusion of Law with Psychology," and "Dan Olweus, Crusader Against Bullies."
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Itchy and Scratchy |
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| I've often said that comedians are the best psychologists. Comedians (and I include comedy writers in this category) know real human nature. They show us what we are like without the disguises. Because it shows us for the shnooks we really are, comedy is so much fun.
One of the favorite and most successful shows in the U.S. is The Simpsons (a cartoon show, for those somehow unfamiliar), advertised as "America's favorite dysfunctional family." This cartoon family reflects many profound truths. One of them is that virtually every family with more than one child, regardless of how "functional" or "dysfunctional" the family may be, has one "good" kid who tries to make the parents happy and one "bad" kid who tries to make the parents miserable. In The Simpsons, Bart is the troublemaker and Lisa is the wonderful child.
In the Simpsons' world, there is a TV cartoon show called Itchy and Scratchy. Through this catoon-within- a-cartoon, the writers of the Simpsons make perhaps its most subtle and profound point. We all know that most cartoons are full of violence, and this is as true for the cartoons I grew up with in the 50's and 60's as they are of the cartoons of today. The Itchy and Scratchy Show is nothing but pure, unadulterated violence. You know what? Not only the does the antisocial Bart like the show. Angelic, pacifistic Lisa loves the show just as much as Bart does! She lies on the floor with her brother and the two of them laugh their heads off to the sight of a cat and mouse butchering each other in every variation.
What's the moral? That violent entertainment is not bad for us. We have heard so often that violent entertainment creates violent children that most of us take it as an absolute truth. But I grew up on violent entertainment. Didn't you? How could you possibly avoid it? Practically all human entertainment from the beginning of civilization is violent. Yet almost all of us grow up into nonviolent adults.
Violent entertainment does not make us violent. Have you ever seen fighting breaking out among the audience of a violent film? If violent entertainment caused violent people, violence in society would be steadily increasing since graphic violence in entertainment has been on the rise. Instead, violence in real life has been declining during the same period that violence in entertainment has been increasing. I still enjoy violent entertainment (not all of it - I do have some taste), and so do most people I know. There is no need to feel guilty about this. If it's good for Lisa Simpson, I know it's good for me.
Read more about mistaken attitudes about aggression... »
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