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I hope your 2004 is turing out well and all your hopes
and dreams are on the path to being fulfilled.
In my June 2003 newsletter, I wrote about the paradox
of "rights." Recently, I revised my Anger Control Made
Easy seminar manual, and wrote an essay for it
called "The Quickest Way to Increase Your Happiness:
Throw Away the Idea of 'Rights'," in which I expand this
concept. I would like all of my readers to benefit from
its advice, so I am putting it in my January 2004
newsletter. (It also saves me the trouble of creating
completely new material for this newsletter!) I hope
you find it worthwhile. Please feel free to reprint it in
other media.
The Quickest Way to Increase Your Happiness
Most of us believe we have fundamental rights to
happiness, respect, fairness, and protection from
misery. These beliefs are psychological traps. "Rights"
are a legal concept created by Civilization; rights do
not exist in Nature.
We are fortunate to be living in a time and place in
which we have greater luxuries and possibilities than
ever in history. However, we are not any happier than
people were in previous generations. Why? Because of
our beliefs in "rights" to happiness.
The Jewish books of law, the Mishnah (volume Ethics of
the Fathers) says, "Who is the wealthy person? He who
appreciates what he has." The happiest people in the
world are those who still live as hunter/gatherers in
nature, never having become "civilized." These people
have no "rights"; everything they have is acquired
through their own efforts. They take nothing for
granted, and therefore appreciate everything they
have, little as it may be.
As civilization progresses, abundance increases, so a
just society can afford to declare that its members
have "rights," which distribute the abundance. This
makes life fairer and helps people avoid misery.
However, this has a paradoxical effect of decreasing
general happiness.
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The Myth of "The Right to Happiness" |
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When you have a "right" to something, it means that
you don't have to provide it for yourself - society owes
it to you. Rather than appreciating whatever the right
entitles you to, you come to take if for granted and get
upset whenever you are missing whatever the "right"
entitles you to. When is the last time you heard
someone praising the country for giving them the right
to a free education for their children? All you hear is
that their kids' schools aren't good enough.
The biggest trap is the belief that we are entitled to
happiness. It may be fed by misunderstanding of the
US Constitution, which guarantees us "the right to the
PURSUIT of happiness." Many interpret this as "the
right to happiness." The truth is that the only one who
can make you happy is you yourself. However, when
you believe that happiness is your right, you do nothing
to create it on your own. As you wait around for
society to get you out of your misery, you become
more and more upset that you are unfairly deprived of
your right to happiness. This leads to a downward spiral
of anger, disappointment, and misery.
Another common error is the belief that you have a
right to be treated well by others. This belief gives
them power over you. All people have to do to defeat
you is to treat you badly. Then you get angry because
you believe they have "no right to treat you that way."
However, you make no effort to solve your problem
because you believe it is society's job to protect you.
Then your misery is compounded as you get angry at
society for failing to prevent your misery.
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Throw Away the Idea of "Rights" |
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There is no right to happiness! There is no right to be
treated with respect by others! Just try to find where
they are written and who backs them up. You won't
succeed.
So throw away the idea of "rights." You will
immediately become more empowered and happy. When
people mistreat you, you won't become terribly upset
because you realize they are acting within their rights.
(People don't have a right to commit crimes against
you. That is what the legal justice system is for. But
people do have a right to try to make you miserable.)
You will then be left with your true right: the
Constitutional right to the PURSUIT of happiness. At
least you'll stand a chance of getting it. You will never
get happiness if you believe you are entitled to it.
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Read Previous Newsletters |
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My mailing list grows from month to month, and many
of you may not have seen my previous newsletters. If
you like this one, you will probably like my old ones,
too. The ideas tend to be different from those
you are used to hearing, so I invite you to read them. I
am providing here a link to the webpage that gives you
access to my newsletters. As always, I invite you to
reprint them and distribute them as you see fit. Just
kindly give me credit as author.
Read Izzy's previous newsletters. »
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New Seminar on Bullying and Sibling Rivalry |
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I am thrilled to announce that Cross Country University,
the wonderful company that sponsors my Anger Control
Made Easy seminar, has commissioned me to provide a
seminar on bullying, as many people have been
requesting one. I am proud that Cross Country has
seen me as the one to turn to for such a seminar.
I am combining sibling rivalry with bullying because
sibling rivarly is simply the home version of bullying in
school, and is actually a far more common problem. My
seminar will teach participants both how to tackle the
fighting between their children at home and to provide
bullying reduction services in the office and school. My
first engagements will probably be either at the end of
April or the beginning of May. I hope that many of you
will be interested in attending and referring others to
this seminar. I assure you that what you will learn will
be the opposite of what society has been teaching, yet
you'll leave wondering why everyone doesn't see it my
way. So please keep your eyes open for the seminar
announcements.
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