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I hope you have been enjoying your summer, and may
its remaining days go quickly (which means you are
having a good time). I am getting out this August
newsletter (it really should have been the July
newsletter, but I have been even less efficient that
usual this summer).
Bully,
Hypocrite and Cognitive Dissonance 
I
didn't expect to be writing again about money, the main subject
of my last newsletter, but I received so many lengthy letters from
upset readers that I realized the subject of money needs more attention.
The points I had made are so simple but so foreign to our consciousness
that many readers just don't get it. They strongly disagree about
the nature of money and, understandably, don't like the suggestion
that they are "hypocrites." (By the way, I am also a hypocrite.
You can detect my hypocrisy better than I can.)
It's really not fair. I never heard anyone criticize Jesus for calling
people hypocrites, yet when I do it for the very same reasons Jesus
did, people get upset with me.
Why do I make such a big deal about hypocrisy? While the world is
making such a big deal about bullies, the greatest danger to the
world is not bullies; it is hypocrisy, or self-deception. Many,
if not most, of my readers are mental health professionals, and
one of our main tasks it to raise self-awareness. But how can we
raise others' self awareness while we are simultaneously deceiving
ourselves about our own true nature. As I hope will become increasingly
obvious, most of us profess to having enlightened values and seek
the welfare of life on the planet, while financially supporting
the very processes we are condemning. Since we are not aware of
our role in destructive practices, we will do nothing to stop destruction
other than preach.
Before getting to the matter of money, I want to talk about bullying.
At least 90% of the incidents that we call bullying are verbal insults.
Today it is considered terrible to insult anyone, and many people
believe that insults are even worse than physical attacks. Thus,
we are teaching today "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but
words hurt my feelings, and that is even worse," and "Sticks and
stones may break my bones, but words kill."
Many adults get upset when I suggest they are hypocrites, but these
very same adults freely call others "bully" without any sense of
wrongdoing. At my seminar on bullying, I have participants categorize
a list of twenty terms into two categories: Diagnosis and Insult.
"Bully" is one of the words on the list. At least 99% of participants
put the word "bully" in the Insult list. Though armies of social
scientists are busy doing research on bullies as though "bully"
is a scientific diagnosis, practically everyone recognizes it as
an insult rather than a diagnosis. It is a nasty, judgmental term
we use for someone who is beating us in a power struggle. If name-calling
is an act of bullying, the very act of calling someone else a bully
makes one a bully.
Very few people think of themselves as hypocrites. That is because
of the phenomenon of cognitive dissonance. Human beings have a powerful
need to believe that we are "right" and "good." That is why we argue
so passionately over our beliefs. When faced with ideas that contradict
our beliefs, we experience "cognitive dissonance" and perform mental
manipulations to get rid of the dissonance and restore inner harmony.
This keeps us (myself included) from recognizing our hypocrisy.
The same is true about bullies. Very few people see themselves
as bullies. In the June newsletter, I pointed out that only 3% of
survey respondents believed themselves to be bullies even though
most of them have at least one person in their lives that regularly
get angry at them. When someone is angry at us, we feel that we
are their victim, but the reason they get angry at us is that they
feel we are bullying them. So we feel we are victims but others
see us as their abusers.
One of the popular myths about bullies promoted by social scientists
is that bullies are incapable of empathy or remorse. Our social
scientists come to this conclusion because when they accuse kids
of being bullies, the kids deny any wrongdoing and blame their victims.
But even mental health professionals do the same thing! We all tend
to see ourselves as the victims in conflicts and blame the other
side. It is normal human behavior.
I have been called a "bully" many times by my readers. Why? Not
because I beat people up, threaten them, or call them names. I get
called "bully" for supposedly "blaming victims", i.e., showing victims
how they unintentionally contribute to their problems and teaching
them how to solve them. I assure you, I did not like being called
a bully. I found it quite insulting. On the scale of offensiveness,
I think "bully" and "hypocrite" rank pretty equal. People get offended
when I call them "hypocrite" but don't realize there's anything
wrong with calling me "bully" in return. But let's not point this
out to anyone. No need to stir up any cognitive dissonace!
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The
Nature of Money |
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My point is that money is "power over people." It is nothing
more and nothing less. All it is good for is getting human beings
to do things for you. (If you haven't already done so, now would
be a good time to read my previous newsletter. Click on the
link below.) Unfortunately, this idea provokes cognitive dissonance
in many of us.
I greatly sympathize with those who wrote me long, articulate,
moving letters about their personal struggles with money.
One competent psychologist is leaving the profession because
insurance companies are decreasing reimbursements and thereby
preventing her from making an adequate living. Others are
worried about being able to afford retirement, vacations,
and their monthly bills. The consistent theme of these letters
is: "For some people, money is a way to have power over people,
but not for me."
What do you think retirements and vacations are? They mean
being able to have others provide us with food, clothing,
electricity, car maintenance, health care, etc., while we
are doing absolutely no work in return for anyone else! Where
do you think the food, clothing, etc., come from? Do they
make themselves for us? No. They are all made by other human
beings. We all want to be able to leisurely enjoy freedom
for the weeks of our vacation or the years of our retirement
while having others serve us!
Just because we may be having trouble paying our monthly
bills does not change the fact that money is power over people.
Saying that "money is something that some people use to have
power over people" is like saying "food is something that
some people use as nutrition for the body." The definition
of food is nutrition for the body. Some people ingest more
than they need, but it doesn't change what food is. And money
is what we use for power over people. Some of us have more
money than we need to survive, but it doesn't change the nature
of money for all of us. Being able to pay our bills means
being able to get others to produce food, electricity, medical
care, housing, etc, that we need or want. It is all made possible
thanks to money. Money is how we store power over people for
use at our discretion.
Click
here to read the previous newsletter. »
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Is
Money Evil? |
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I wrote last time that money turns us into hypocrites and blinds
to our complicity in actions we consider evil. Some people wrote
to me (and we have all heard this throughout our lives) that
money itself is neither good nor evil. It is what we do with
it that determines whether it is good or evil.
This is very true. Money can be used for good, such as giving
charity or providing others with jobs. However, the pull to
evil is so powerful because we don't see what money really
is. I will soon explain how this works.
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Money:
Possibly the Greatest Invention of All Time |
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I want it to be clear that I am not against money. On the contrary,
I want as much of it as I can get. There are people who actually
don't want money. I have met some of them. Most were certifiably
insane.
A case can easily be made that money is the single greatest
invention in the history of the world. If money were suddenly
to stop existing, I estimate that at least 95% of us would
be dead in a matter of months. Do you think 6 billion people
can live on this planet through bartering? How would it work?
"I'll trade you two minutes of psychotherapy for a loaf of
bread"? "Build me a house and I'll give you fifteen hours
of psychotherapy a week for thirty years"? If money had not
been invented, society could never have gotten beyond the
simple, backbreaking agricultural life of our ancestors ten
thousand years ago. Money is literally to civilization what
blood is to the body.
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Money
and Self-Deception |
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As I mentioned in the previous newsletter, almost everyone recognizes
that if you pay someone else to do harm, you are personally
responsible for doing that harm.
Many people condemn the multinational corporations that in
the interest of greed are destroying Nature and hastening
our ultimate demise. We think that we, the helpless moral
people of the world, are the good guys, and that the power-hungry
corporations are the bad guys.
In case you haven't noticed, we eagerly buy the goods and
services provided by those corporations. Our money goes to
pay inhabitants of poorer countries to destroy their lush
forests so that we can fill up our homes with cheap and abundant
food, furniture, clothing and contraptions. Since we only
see the end product in the store and don't witness our money
going into the pocket of the logger wielding the power saw,
we are blinded to the fact that we are personally responsible
for denuding those forests.
We buy goods made in sweatshops in developing countries under
conditions we would consider unconscionable. And we want those
goods as cheaply as possible. Yes, we are individually responsible
for the horrible treatment of other human beings. But we are
conveniently unaware of it because we don't personally hand
over the wages to the sweatshop workers. We stand no chance
of slowing down the destruction of our planet as long as we
don't realize that our money makes us active partners in the
destruction.
No, money itself may not be evil, but because it so conveniently
enables us to avoid cognitive dissonance, money's pull to
evil is so powerful.
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When
it Comes to Money, We are All Jews |
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Most stereotypes have some measure of truth to them. Otherwise
they would not endure. However, this is not always true.
For many centuries, my fellow Jews have been insultingly
characterized as money-hungry, stingy people.
As I reported in the last newsletter, 93% of survey respondents
answered that they would like to earn more money than I do
for remaining on their current job. I added the following
question on my last run of bullying seminars: If you could
buy the same item at full price or half price, which would
you prefer? With only one exception, all of the approximately
one hundred respondents answered - you guessed it - "Half
price"! Yes, we all want as much money as possible and to
give away as little as possible.
I hate to break the bad news to you, but when it comes to
money, we are all Jews!
(I made a version of this joke at a recent seminar. One Jewish
participant felt strongly offended. I apologized for hurting
her feelings. I don't think she realized that my joke was
actually making fun of anti-Semitism and not Jews. In the
future, I will try to make my point less ambiguously.)
Search
Izzy's previous newsletters. »
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On
Humor and Laughter |
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I lecture a lot about the importance of humor. On several occasions,
seminar participants commented that I don't practice what I
preach because I hardly laugh at the seminars.
Laughing and having a sense of humor are not identical. If
the person hearing a joke doesn't laugh, he may be lacking
a sense of humor. But the one making the joke does not have
to laugh, only to make others laugh.
Laughter is contagious, and you can easily get people to
laugh at the lamest jokes if you laugh at the same time. Laugh
tracks are added to TV comedy shows to take advantage of this
phenomenon. But to make others laugh without you laughing
at the same time is a far greater challenge. It means that
people are laughing in response to your humor and not to your
laughter.
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A
Note on Freedom of Speech |
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I believe it is a great tragedy that citizens of democratic
countries are not educated about the true brilliance and power
of the right to Freedom of Speech. Many people don't understand
why it is best to let people say whatever they want - even if
it hurts people feelings - as long as the words don't directly
cause physical harm to body or possessions. (Freedom of Speech
is the Constitutional version of the "Sticks and Stones" slogan.)
One recent seminar participant wrote to me that she disagrees
strongly with Freedom of Speech, and believes that people
should be responsible for what they say. She obviously does
not understand that Freedom of Speech means that YOU are responsible
for your speech - you, and not the government.
There are real-life consequences to our utterances. For instance,
if we are nasty, others won't want to be our friends, or will
be nasty back, or won't want to come to our future seminars.
But I don't need the government to punish me for sayings things
you might not like or agree with. This woman who objects to
Freedom of Speech would like to be able to get me in trouble
with the authorities for saying words she doesn't like to
hear, though I am certain she would be quite upset if I were
to exercise such a right against her.
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Movie
Recommendation: The Village |
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Ever since I saw the incredible movie Unbreakable by M. Night
Shyamalan, I have been looking forward to his new films. His
most recent is The Village.
It's hard to go wrong with a Shyamalan movie. Even the ones
that aren't truly great will give you plenty of food for thought,
and the quality of his filmmaking is always good. The signature
trait of his movies is that the ending suddenly changes your
understanding of what you thought you had been watching.
The real reason I like Shyamalan is that I have this delusion
that there is a unique spiritual connection between us (and
I hate him for not being aware of this connection!) That connection
was most obvious in Unbreakable. It seems amazing to me. I
write a newsletter about the evil of money. Then I go to see
Shyamalan's latest film. And would you believe it - it is
premised upon the idea of the evil of money! (You don't find
this out till the end.) Watch it and see for yourself. (Don't
worry, I didn't spoil the movie for you.)
Click
here to read Izzy's essay on Unbreakable. »
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