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Bullies 2 Buddies Newsletter )
 by Izzy Kalman, MS......Empowering Victims the World Over February 22, 2005 
in this issue
  • Anti-Semitism: Third Installment
  • Bullies to Buddies Rule Number Two: Treat everything as the words of your best friend.
  • Television and Racism

  • I hope you are all well and your wishes all coming true. And I thank those of you who sent me your kind words after seeing me on the Larry Elder Show because I looked and sounded terrible. I have some very kind people on my mailing list.

    Here is my third installment on anti-Semitism.

    Anti-Semitism: Third Installment

    Here is my third installment on racism and anti- Semitism.

    If you have not already done so, you may wish to read the previous issues before you read this one.

    Please resist the urge to bombard me with angry emails condemning my approach to anti-Semitism. This is only one installment in a long series. After you have had my complete presentation, it may make more sense to you. If it doesn't I will gladly accept your criticism.

    Read Previous Newsletter

    Bullies to Buddies Rule Number Two: Treat everything as the words of your best friend.
    If we want people to be our friends rather than enemies, we have to treat what they tell us as the words of friends. But what do we do? When people criticize Jews, we respond as though they are enemies. We should only treat people like enemies when they try to hurt our bodies or possessions. Otherwise, we should consider their words, no matter how nasty or angry, as though they are trying to give us valuable advice. It doesn't mean that we have to believe what they tell us or that we have to do what they tell us. Only that we should be grateful that they have taken the time and effort to tell us what they feel or believe.

    Here is the wrong way to respond.

    Anti-Semite: Hitler should have finished you all off!
    Jew: How dare you say that!
    Anti-Semite: It's true. You Jews are filth and ruin everything for everyone.
    Jew: No we don't! It's bigots like you who ruin society.
    Anti-Semite: I'm warning you! You are looking for trouble!
    Jew: Yeah? What kind of trouble?!
    Anti-Semite: I'll send you to hell where you belong!
    Jew: I'm calling the police. You'll rot in jail, where you belong, for hate crimes.

    Now the right way:

    Anti-Semite: Hitler should have finished you all off!
    Jew: You know, a lot of people feel just the way you do.
    Anti-Semite: And for good reason!
    Jew: What's the reason?
    Anti-Semite: You're the bloodsuckers of the planet.
    Jew: What do you mean by that?
    Anti-Semite: You all cheat and suck up all the money so the rest of us have to live like dogs.
    Jew: Your life is really that bad?
    Anti-Semite: Yes. I have to live in a trailer park while all of you live in the ritzy part of town.
    Jew: Yes, we tend to live in the more expensive neighborhoods. Do you believe it's the Jews' fault that you live in a trailer park?
    Anti-Semite: Of course. You take all the good jobs and we have to live on public assistance.
    Jew: Would you like to have a good job?
    Anti-Semite: Of course.
    Jew: You could get one the same way we do.
    Anti-Semite: How's that?
    Jew: By getting a good education.
    Anti-Semite: Who's got money for a good education?
    Jew: I see what you mean. But the truth is if you try hard enough, you can get a good education even without having a lot of money.
    Anti-Semite: What are you talking about?
    Jew: The government has lots of education programs for poor people. You just have to be motivated to work hard. If you want, I can try to help you find the right offices to go to.
    Anti-Semite: Thanks. I'll think about it.

    Of course, it might not turn out this nicely. But, as you can see, treating the anti-Semite as a friend has a much better outcome than treating him like an enemy.

    Television and Racism
    Television is blamed for so much of what is wrong with society. I am not an apologist for the entertainment industry. I don't think that everything it presents is worthwhile, and I believe most people spend way too much time being entertained. Personally, I think that television has done more to destroy social life than any other single factor. However, it seems we only hear about the harm it causes. Since television isn't about to disappear, we need to recognize its beneficial sides.

    I strongly believe that television deserves major credit for reducing racism. Racism has been on a steady decline in recent decades and I think that television has had more to do with this than the combined efforts of legislators, school programs, and tolerance organizations.

    How does racism get reduced? The best way is by contact between groups. When we get to know each other as human beings, the stereotypes disappear and we become more tolerant and compassionate towards each other. Unfortunately, most people tend to limit their close relationships to those of their own groups. Television brings people of all backgrounds right into our living rooms. When we watch entertainment, our sense of reality is suspended as we identify with the characters and vicariously experience what they are supposedly experiencing. We love entertainment because it is fun to experience others' realities for short periods of time. Watching a good movie or show can be a more effective learning tool than the best lectures, which is why more people eagerly pay to watch movies than to go to lectures.

    Last week, when I was flying, I got to see the movie, Remember the Titans, starring Denzel Washington as a Black high school football coach. It is hard to imagine any lecture doing a better job of teaching racial tolerance than a film like this. Anyone who watches a movie like this and doesn't give up his/her racist attitudes is seriously disturbed. And Remember the Titans is not unusual. Many movies and shows will have a similar effect.

    I recommend Remember the Titans for a couple of additional reasons. One, I was impressed how the protagonist refuses to let anyone treat him or the Black students as victims in any way, practicing what I have been writing about in these newsletters on anti- Semitism. Two, there is a great locker room scene that illustrates what I teach about humor. One kid insults another kid's mother. That kid starts getting mad. A third kid throws out a mother insult. Before long, they are all insulting each others' mothers and laughing their heads off.

    Three cheers for Hollywood.



    Best Wishes,

    Izzy Kalman

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