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A month ago today (April 20th) was the sixth
anniversary of the Columbine shooting, the event
that woke me to my mission - teaching the world
the true solution to the problem of bullying
(teaching people not to be victims). I would
feel remiss if I would let the anniversary go by
without saying anything about it. April 20th
happens, not accidentally, to be the birthday of
Adolf Hitler, who I will also be mentioning. The
Columbine shooting was planned by Eric Harris
and Dylan Klebald for Hitler's birthday. What a
fitting celebration.
Columbine Anniversary Remembered
I would like to share my memories of the
scariest experience of my professional career -
the day school psychology declared war on
bullies. It happened at the annual convention of
the National Association of School Psychologists
in Washington DC in April of 2000, overlapping
the first anniversary of the Columbine shooting.
Bullying was the hot issue of the conference
that year - the only issue, really. Every
workshop on bullying - including mine, thank God
- was filled to the brim. Every other workshop
was practically empty. In case you may not
recall, the fascination with the subject of
bullying mushroomed thanks to Columbine, for
bullying was quickly determined to be to blame
for the Columbine and other random school
shootings that had been plaguing the country.
In a huge ballroom seating thousands of school
psychologists, the keynote speaker that day - a
government official - declared that we are going
to elevate bullying to a class of harassment,
meaning that we will be able to legally
prosecute child bullies as criminals. The entire
audience stood up in unison and gave a long,
wildly enthusiastic ovation.
The spectacle horrified me. It reminded me of
recordings of Hitler declaring war against the
Jews, with packed plazas resounding with
passionate approval. Please excuse me for the
extreme analogy. I am in no way accusing school
psychologists of being Nazis or racists, or of
wanting to kill anyone. But I was shocked that
an entire room full of mental health
professionals would unanimously abandon the
basic tenets of their profession to join a moral
crusade against children - for we easily forget
that "bullies" are not demons in human disguise
but actually our own flesh and blood children.
Was I the only one among thousands that could
see that there might be something wrong with
such a campaign? Is only one view of bullying
possible?
And what were they so ecstatic about, I thought
to myself? Didn't they realize that making
bullying illegal represents a failure of our
profession - that we haven't succeeded in
solving the problem by psychological means, so
we have to refer the problem to the legal system?
Was there no one else who learned that we are
supposed to take a non-judgmental attitude
towards people? Didn't they realize that
promoting intolerance of "bullies" makes us
guilty of intolerance? Was no one else aware
that "bully" is not a diagnosis but an insult -
which makes the very act of calling someone a
bully an act of bullying?
Was I the only one who learned it's dangerous to
take sides in people's disputes - that it
escalates the disputes, making the two parties
hate each other more and one of them hate us, too?
When did psychology start teaching that we
should blame others for our difficulties in
getting along with people? Where did this idea
that victims have nothing to do with what
happens to them come from, when science
recognizes that every action has an equal and
opposite reaction?
Are these school psychologists all angels free
of sin, that they should be condemning others?
Are they so sure that the word "bully" does not
describe themselves? If we are going to
prosecute bullies, we will all be found guilty!
Have they not noticed that there is much more
bullying going on right in their own homes than
there is between kids in school, and that they -
mental health professionals - don't know how to
make the bullying stop? Would they want their
children to be legally prosecuted for bullying
each other? Would they want to be legally
prosecuted for bullying their own spouses,
children and parents?
Again, please forgive me for the analogy to
Hitler, but it is the same mindset at work.
Didn't the world wonder how the most cultured,
scientifically advanced nation of Europe could
demonize and try to eradicate a group of their
own citizens? The answer is quite simple! The
same way educated adults today could demonize
children within our midst.
The truth is that
PEOPLE LOVE TO HATE! All it takes is an
authority figure telling people they are
victims, and when people feel like victims, they
are willing to do anything in revenge and will
believe it is justified. They will trade in
their occupations to become soldiers on a moral
crusade to exterminate their supposed enemies.
Having an evil nemesis makes people feel
powerful, important, and righteous. Moral
crusades are responsible for more horror and
destruction than all other human motivations
combined.
Do you think Hitler motivated his people to kill
by telling them "Let's go BULLY the Jews"? Of
course not! He did it by telling them "We are
the VICTIMS of the Jews. Let's make sure they
can never bully us again!"
Today, the authorities tell us that "bullies"
are responsible for children's misery, and we
eagerly embark on anti-bully crusades. By the
way, Jews in Europe were stereotypically
depicted by anti-Semites as devilish beings with
horns and tails, just like "bullies" are
commonly portrayed today!
I can certainly understand why my fellow school
psychologists were cheering. The job of school
psychologist is rarely as glamorous as most
people think it is. You know how boring it can
get administering tests, writing reports, and
sitting at mundane IEP meetings and student
progress meetings day after day? We went into
this profession to help kids psychologically,
not to be bureaucrats whose supervisors often
care only that the paperwork is done properly
and in a timely fashion. Finally our time has
come! The mission we've all been waiting for! At
long last we're going to be the heroes we've
always dreamed we would be. We are going to be
knights in shining armor saving innocent
children from evil bullies, with their
metaphorical horns and tails! We're not going to
let the current generation of children suffer
the way we did. We're now adults and we're in
charge. We are going to use our power over any
evil kids who have the gall to use their power
over other kids. We will create the first
generation of kids in history who could live
their childhoods without being made to feel bad
by anyone else. Any child who tries to make
another feel bad will be made by us to feel
really bad, and this will teach children to live
in peace and harmony.
Unfortunately, we discovered what happened when
Hitler blamed the Jews for Germany's economic
woes. We can't expect wonderful results when we
blame ""bullies" for our children's misery,
either. It's about time we realized that the
true danger is not "bullies", but people feeling
like victims blaming "bullies" for their misery,
and that problems can only be solved by taking
personal responsibility for our lives.
Read Previous Newsletters
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Anti-Bullying State of the Union Update |
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Cross Country Education, because of economic
considerations, only schedules a handful of my
Turning Bullies into Buddies seminars per year
(less people register than for my Anger Control
seminars). By a strange coincidence, they
scheduled the bullying seminar for the week of
the Columbine anniversary (I had no input in
this scheduling). This gave me a good
opportunity to check on the status of our
nation's anti-bullying campaigns. Many
participants came up to tell me that their
schools' anti-bullying programs are making them
miserable. They find themselves with the
frustrating task of playing policeman and judge.
They are supposed to be reducing hostilities,
but these programs often escalate the
hostilities. Squabbles between children are
turning into feuds between families as parents
support their own children in the trials
conducted by the schools.
One mother was practically in tears telling me
her story of woe. She is considering pulling her
daughter (I'll call her Alexa) out of the only
Jewish school in their area. Her daughter's best
friend (I'll call her Brittney) told her a
secret. Imprudently, Alexa betrayed Brittney's
trust and told the juicy secret to someone else,
and the secret spread. This, of course, greatly
upset Brittney, and her enraged parents then
turned to the principal for help with this
incident of "bullying". The principal, who
apparently enjoys the drama of social problems
more than educational administration, began
conducting lengthy hearings. (The school is tiny
- only five kids in the class in this story - so
the principal obviously has lots of spare time
on his hands.) This process let the "victim"
know how horrible of a crime was committed
against her, and Brittney has become too
emotioanlly traumatized to be able to attend
school. She no longer goes to school, and is
going to a private therapist for treatment.
All of the Alexa's and her parents' efforts to
reconcile with Brittney and her parents have
failed. Alexa and her parents now feel like THEY
are victims. Alexa is so miserable that her
parents fear their only choice is to take her
out of the school. And both sides are right.
They are both victims of these counterproductive
anti-bullying policies. Had the school not
gotten involved, Brittney would have probably
gotten over this incident which, though
unfortunate, is a rather routine childhood
occurrence. So now you have one school phobic
child and another possibly switching to another
school. Two families that used to be good
friends are now enemies. And with two out of
five students leaving this class, I don't envy
the school principal. How is he going to justify
to the school board their meteoric drop in
enrollment?
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